Thursday, July 7, 2016

What's a threat in a relationship?

There's plenty of threats if you're looking to tick boxes. There's always going to be someone who is prettier, younger, wealthier, blah blah blah. But those things are material things. And the truth about material things is that they can always be surpassed. Anyone can come along and be prettier, younger, wealthier blah blah blah. These things mean nothing. There will always be better. There will always be bigger. 

So what is a treat in a relationship? Is the that young girl who just finished university and interning in her short short skirt and tight top? Or is it that guy who has three houses, drives a Bentley and wears a $20K watch? No. The real threat is how you love and treat your significant other. Can someone else treat her/him better? Can someone else make them laugh more than you? Can they make them feel like no one else can? Do they feel so special and so good that they know for certain there is no one else out there that can make them feel the way they do like how you can? 

That's the real treat. We don't leave relationships because someone prettier, wealthier, taller, slimmer, smarter comes along. We leave because they make us feel better about ourselves. We leave because they make us happier. Humans are a funny sort, we talk about ticking boxes and we look out for what's best on paper. But when it comes down to it, it's about an unexplained feeling - a raw emotional animistic pull. This attraction isn't one that doesn't involve a resume, a bank account, a profile photo you want to boost to your friends - it's about how they make you a better person, how they make you feel like you can achieve anything, and how they are always positive, supportive, loving and put you first - a true desire for your happiness above theirs.

So if you want to keep someone in your life or if you want to pull someone from theirs, all you have to do is love them to the best of your ability - make them smile, make them feel special, and make them feel that there is no one else out there who can make them feel the way you do. Because in the end, don't we all want to feel good? Don't we all want to feel special? Treasured? The real threat comes from something emotional, from deep within the heart, it's something that can't be surpassed or faked easily by another. 

Sunday, July 3, 2016


Hello. I'm back. It's been a long couple of years and so much has happened. I've been running on the rodent wheel in the everyday rat race - chasing after the cheese. The pursuit of cheese is an instinct, a base calling of society urging us to run more, earn more, buy more, pay more, more, more, more! But it has left me little time to indulge in what I really love - pausing to sit alone to ponder the wonders of our interactions with others, our experiences of the world and exploration of our deepest desires.

But being away recently on an exchange to China, and meeting different people from around the world - I've realised that the pursuit of cheese is meaningless if you're not also pursuing a passion that centres you, grounds you and makes you who you are. We can get so overwhelmed and trapped in our daily routines that we lose sight of what's in our hearts. 

What's in my heart? It is filled with words. Words, stories and emotions that have been muffled and lost because I gave up expressing them and letting them flow. My compulsion to tell them was denied, and I've just realised that I've just been a mindless robotic arm on a factory line, piecing together the days - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...etc. Thinking this is it, this is just life - counting days till the next big event - graduation, work promotion, marriage, children, grandchildren and death. How daunting, the prospect. 

We need to talk more. We need to read more. Learn more. Travel more. Collect more stories. And we need to pursue ourselves more. 

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

The land of the free

Hong Kong - the land of the free. You can disappear into the abyss of long nights and even longer nights. In my view it's always been a place when night merges into day and day into night. A place where you can disappear... into a realm of its own. Everyone lives in a bubble and its probably the best and most exhausting bubble you've ever experienced, but it's okay because it's Hong Kong - the international city.

It's a tuesday night in december and i'm here. Drunk. As expected. I hate and love this place. I hate it because it brings every party instinct i have to the surface and makes every drink so much more pleasurable than the last. It makes all possibility a reality. And i hate it because i know it's not everlasting. Im simply living a dream that's bound to end from age and career prospects. How then do i make a decision to be here or to abandon the dreams of hedonistic pleasures?

At the age of 28 im torn. Im here and im there. If only you can have your cake and eat it too. Maybe it's time of pivoting. Maybe it's time to say ... hey we only get to live once. And right now... it's pleasure and fun that i'm seeking.

Hello hong kong.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Do people ever change?

I was adamant at one point that a leopard doesn't change its spots. You are who you are, it's set in stone once you go past a certain age, it's written ink on paper and no amount of erasing or covering can change what is already written. I believed that until I changed.

It took me a very, very long time. It wasn't so much the actual change as such but it was the awareness for change that took me a while to reach to the pivotal point. It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears. I can't deny that there was a significant catalyst that made me actually want to change and led me to the person that I am today. Funnily enough, the turning point wasn't anything catastrophic or miraculous, it was merely one person telling me they had faith in me. They led by example, and it was through this, I pulled myself out of the cycle of slipping back into what was familiar, and what seemed easy. Of course, the ironic part of the story was, that person did lose faith in me in the end, but not because I didn't change but because they stopped believing that people could change.

I'm grateful for the moment, no matter how short, that someone choose at a point to believe in me. It made me a better person and that's all it took. Paying it forward, I wanted to have faith in someone else because I wanted so hard to believe that people can change...because I was the proof in the pudding. Look at me, look how far I've come, you can do the same. God knows why I needed that, why I needed to put my faith into someone else who I wouldn't normally. And perhaps it's self-serving, perhaps I am able to validate my change and believe that this change is real, and perhaps I lack faith in myself and wanted to see it for my own eyes that this could also happen to someone else...someone like me. Who knows? Maybe that's how victim support and AA came about, because someone needed validation for them overcoming their traumas or addiction. Makes sense.

But it doesn't make sense at all, because every person is different and who says a recovered alcoholic could guarantee another's recovery? Who's to say they even want to recover, or change. Maybe they like being the way they are, maybe they like the person they are, and maybe they should be just left alone,,,without my self-serving, wilful attempts at trying to have faith in someone who doesn't want it or need it. Futile and rather stupid really.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

The Pains of Being an Adult

What does 2015 mean? It means nothing.

It means I'm well and truly into adulthood and the pains of getting here is really just to prep you into a lifetime of pain as an adult. I'm not talking about the exponential ailments you gradually experience year-by-year. I'm talking about making painful decisions that you never would have known as a child.

Someone once said to me that problems are not problems if you can imagine it, the real problems are the ones that you never see coming. And that's so true.

Being an adult means learning the painful realisation that money is the foremost important thing in your life. All that stuff you hear about how money isn't the most important thing...and money can't buy's all bullshit.

I've never seen a happy homeless person married to another happy homeless person. Have you?

Here's my list of the pains of being an adult:

1. It doesn't matter how much you make, it's never going to be enough because the ratio of our desire for things/doing things with how much you make is 1:1, if not 2:1.

2. Everything you can think of now, as an adult, relates to the above ie. money.

Let me give you an example.

You want to spend some quality away on holiday with your significant other...but wait you can't because you're on a tight budget because you have to pay rent, because you bought a property, because your friend is getting married and it's costly for you, because you have to buy toilet paper, toothpaste, tissues, garbage bags, food because these things are essential, because your car broke, because the rego is due, because your private health insurance is due, because you need your phone and your internet and all of that.

It's just never-ending. So you make more money to sustain the lifestyle you're accustomed to, and your lifestyle obviously gets more demanding as you make more it's really a never-ending circle of chasing your own tail.

The most painful part of it all? I'm not even married or have kids...imagine what life would be like when I reach that stage.